A scaredy cat

Our cat, Amber, usually spends some time outside in the yard, but something...probably the aggressive black male cat which cruises through our yard, has spooked her and she won’t venture outside. So now she is a full time house cat. That could be a good point if I try and give her away. She was given to Joan as a lap sitting companion during her sickness, but that never happened. Amber remained either timid or aloof.

She does, however, watch me wherever I go around the house. Yesterday I was about to take a shower and went out to the kitchen to bring a phone into the bathroom should someone call. I was naked and Amber showed no emotion to this most unattractive sight; she continued to look at my face only. Strange? I scared myself when I looked in a full length mirror upon returning to the bathroom. Cats don’t seem to give TV a second look either.

I noticed that the price of dried coffee beans (parchment) in Papua New Guinea is for Robusta K4 per kilo and Arabica is K7 per kilo.

Those prices are not at roadside in villages and are factory door prices. Also the exchange rate for Australian$ to PNG Kina is $A1 = K2.6. Hard work for not much reward.

Theft by Lewy Body

Our friend Joyce rang and told me of her visit to see John, her husband, in care. He was as usual unaware of her visit and after some 20 minutes she went to leave when he called her back.

She wrote this of her sad visit.

Painful Memories..

Is there an end to the sadness of heartache

When all around are reminders of happier days.

The love of music that takes you to a special place

Alone, and wishing it wasn’t always this way.

He sits in his chair, unable to walk and barely talk.

A beautiful man who gave his all to life and family

Most times now too difficult to break into his world

As his tired body drifts into untroubled dreams.

We watch and wait for signs of recognition

Willing his face to light up for just a second

Validating that his life with us can still be remembered,

Those eyes that once spoke volumes, now lifeless.

Just as it seems he is trapped in a dark passage

He sometimes comes back to life, as we know it.

Uttering aloud words that are very clear, to remind us

He still has thoughts and feelings of bygone days.

Today was a sad day, with words now etched upon my soul.

“Why wont you stay – this has to change,”

“All I want to do is teach and talk my head off,

But no one can understand me”

“Where are my family?” he said.

And who could possibly have believed

These memories were still within his mind.

I cannot think of a worse imprisonment.

Joy Rowe

30^th April, 2011

Over the years John has been in care, I have visited him and often not really had a glimmer of recognition of my presence. John was an academic at a local university and a good friend. Lewy Body Disease stole his character and personality.

Today, I and a friend, went to visit Bronwyn Owen who taught us in the 1940s. She recently celebrated her 102nd birthday and whilst she was chatty, we doubt she really knew who we were. When we visited her on her 100th birthday she recalled both our families and remembered all the names.

The Wedding etc

Well, I watched ‘The Wedding’ yesterday. I shouldn’t be embarrassed about confessing to that....millions of others watched it too.

I watched until the actual wedding ceremony then l tried to find another channel not showing TW. Not too many!

I am desperately trying to think of things that make me better than the Royals.

Hmn....I, at 71, still have more hair than all the male Royals except that carrot-topped one.

Our wedding didn’t cost as much.

I didn’t have to have to fawn to the plebs as they will have to.

Not too many people would hear about me making an ass* of myself.
There are others...I just can’t think of them at the moment.

Will the newly weds have in-law problems?
Is QE2 going to call? The conversation could go like this...’We haven’t seen or heard from you for weeks...what’s going on?’ Oh Jeez Nan, we’ve been down at Blackpool for a piss-up’.

One thing is for certain; the next few months is not the time for the proletariat to try and depose the Royals. This show will give Britain a revitalised place in the world order.

* That is the horse-like animal

There are nice people out there!

I have had a good day...quite a few people have been nice, and helpful to me.

The local branch of the ANZ bank helped me avoid filling out a long and complicated claim form to get a $260. credit Joan had in an account that had been closed. A simple phone call to Head Office and a cheque is winging its way to me. Similarly, ComBank at Spearwood where I now have a lady who helps me out with things difficult, cancelled a $20 late payment fee on my credit card. When things are all again running well, I will buy her a nice bottle of Champaigne.

The third win for the day was at an auto parts shop where a young lady gave me trade discount on a set of spark plug leads for daughter Helen’s car saving me about $25.00.

I had to get a statutory declaration witnessed at a Police Station this morning. It was to do with transferring Joan’s Superannuation fund into my name. The form looks crazy, but is a legal necessity. Here is part of the Stat. Dec.
Click on it to enlarge to readable size

Nero Wolfe

Earlier this evening here (It was two hours later in NSW), I rang a long time friend from PNG days, Graham, in Sydney.

We talked about Joan and her last very difficult days and how I was missing her. Graham said that after being so long together (46 years), I must forget that she has gone and talk to her about all sorts of things.

How true. In times when I am distracted by, say a TV Quiz show, I yell out for her great general knowledge to answer a question before the contestant can. Joan was never really into TV except for a few programs and I could rely on her to answer any general subject question. All that reading....we should promote reading more!

Her library of craft and sewing/embroidery books has already been donated to a group who will sell them off to raise funds for cancer research. Her other books numbering hundreds: I don’t know what do with. I am too old to start reading SF. Can’t have empty bookshelves all around the house though.

I may start to read Nero Wolfe again. Author Rex Stout's character was a large man who tended orchids as he solved nasty crimes. One time when we were in NY, I went to look at Nero’s fictional house near the harbour. In searching through the bookshelves I found two paperback magazines from the ‘Bestsellers’ series from, I guess, the 1970s.
I will find time in the next few days to read them and hope that it rekindles my interest in reading. In Papua New Guinea in the sixties and seventies we read because there was no TV and radio reception was poor. Today, here, other forms of entertainment are too easy.

Home Security

Easter Sunday lunch was a good family gathering; Helen, James, Mike and Dorothy (Joan’s sister and husband) my brother Graham and me. Our son Martin declined as he wasn’t feeling well.
Here is a pic of Graham and me. When we go out somewhere on the weekend there is always the comment from someone Graham knows, like....... ‘Oh is this your father?’ Hell, I’m only 9 years older than him!

Today caused me a bit of a headache and ear ache. I was up on a ladder doing some plastering work on a wall when I heard a beeping sound which I traced to the keyboard of the security system for the house. The interface told me the problem was an ‘Open Circuit’. What to do???
Before long the external siren started sounding..very loudly! We haven’t used the system for about six years and any codes to stop the noise were probably in Joan’s purse, lost about two months ago. Meantime Dave next door had been knocking on the door, thinking that I might have fallen, drove to Helen and James’ house and they arrived as I was again on the ladder, ears stuffed with cotton wool opening the alarm box to disconnect the siren.

Good to have good neighbors!

The beeping continued even though I had disconnected the siren from the backup battery. I couldn’t find the key to the control box inside the house and had to force the lock to disconnect the storage battery powering the whole thing. It seems that Dave has had a similar problem and a flat backup battery in the main control box is the fault. All is silent once again and I will do without home security.

What is next?

Lamb flaps

Today we are having the Easter Sunday family lunch. I expect there will be food left over. I remember my parents reminding us of the kids in Europe just post WW2.

‘Eat your dinner...think of the children in Europe,’ That came out when we were expected to love the taste of tripe with white sauce.

Papua New Guineans are having a bit of a crisis because of the change from village gardens to a cash economy and eating tasty, but unhealthy food. In town centres such as Port Moresby, Kai Bars (roadside food bars) sell a very popular snack which is more than 90% fat...lamb flaps (read hogget) from New Zealand. Several politicians are spearheading a drive to have such imports banned as they can see the results of such a diet.
According to a summary report from a National Capital District workforce study, 40% of the workforce was overweight, 30% obese, 15% had high sugar levels and 20% was not involved in any physical activity. Wonder what problems the other 5% had?

Yesterday I spotted a nearby garage sale and bought a nice bicycle for $20. Helen and James bought a dog kennel for $20 also. Their dog is actually using it and I am using the bike.
The bike looks like it was purchased as an exercise tool and having been ridden once was shoved in a shed.

Ceviche

Yesterday, Good Friday, I along with Joy and Margaret, two friends who are also without partners went to the Fremantle Fishing Boat Harbour for lunch. Being a nice day, several thousand others decided to do the same. We eventually found a table and had fish and chips and seafood baskets. Not bad!

This seafood thing is a Catholic tradition borrowed from the Pagans. It is an abstinence thing. It used to be every Friday. I feel sorry for the poor souls who ate meat on a Friday and are burning in Hell....and then, later the rules were changed. No retrospectivity there! Going back to the 50s and 60s everyone seemed to have fish and chips on a Friday without considering the religious aspect.

When I was a young fella, Catholic girls at Friday night parties would set aside the meat pies and sausage rolls etc until the big hand and little hand met at 12. I can't recall the guys worrying about it, but I guess I looked at the gals more than the guys.

Our family is having a lunchtime gathering on Easter Sunday at Helen and James’ new home. Brother Graham is making Ceviche, his specialty. Yum!

Mole Scan

On Monday I had a MoleScan session at a local clinic. At first I was a bit skeptical about it, but was impressed when the computerised images were shown on the screen.

‘Dermoscopy is the use of a special skin microscope. It allows the doctor to see beneath the skin’s surface. The ability to see elements deeper within the skin provides the doctor with more information to make a decision regarding a suspicious skin lesion or mole’.

One small lesion, or rather scaly area, was, after observation, biopsied. Recently a GP had said there was nothing to worry about. We’ll see once the results come back.

The patient before me had had several moles/cancers frozen. It was obvious that dozens of others has been done before.
Another patient waiting was decked out in PE teachers’ gear and they are prime candidates for melanomas.

Boot and Trunk

A few days ago a friend of Joans rang to say that Joan had wished to give her craft and quilting books for a book sale of which the profits would go to cancer research. I didn’t know about Joan’s conversation with Teena, but was sure that she would have wanted Teena to collect them. Teena came around yesterday and we loaded up the boot (trunk) of her car with about 150 books. Later in the day our daughter Helen told me of another bookshelf in a spare room which had an estimated 300 more books. Today I loaded up my car and delivered them to Teena.
Loading the books into my boot/trunk or whatever.
The books on Teena’s loungeroom floor.

Writing this, I thought about the differences between English U.S. and English Au.

I can see why Americans call the ‘boot’ of their car the ‘trunk’, but I can’t see any way to justify calling it a Boot. The Early 20th century cars often had a metal or leather trunk attached to a carrier at the rear of the car.
Here is a low resolution pic of a trunk. In front of the trunk is what we would call the Dickie Seat, but in the U.S. is called a Rumble Seat.

On the other hand Americans call Mudguards, Fenders. Surely a fender should be a bumper bar? Mudguard seems more appropriate, especially in the early days of automobiles before Macadamised roads.

Singer Featherweight

This morning I searched in cupboards and found a couple of Joan’s vintage sewing machines. They are both quite wonderful. The Elna needs a bit of a service (by me), but the Singer is in top condition. The Singer is a Featherweight 222k model and can sell for up to $4,000. Not sure what the Elna is worth yet. The Elna is a Model #1 and is nicknamed the Grasshopper.

I photographed them on a blanket which I noticed had a lot of Joan's hair from chemo days.
The Grasshopper case folds out to be a sewing table...not bad for the 1940s.

I delivered a Mac Laptop to a young (16 year old) lass this afternoon. She is a mum and with her man living in the family residence. She is lucky to have a sympathetic mother and I have a feeling that things will work out for them. She is still at high school and the computer is just what she wanted....bluetooth for their phones and WiFi for MacDonalds.....and of course a machine to do assignments on. I also gave her a thumb drive so that she can take her work to school and print it out without the cost of buying a printer and the subsequent inks at outrageous costs.

A worthy cause

Each time I place a computer at a needy person’s home I wonder what I will find when I get there. This morning I delivered a Mac to a family in Cloverdale. They were most grateful and I was pleased that it was a worthy cause.

Their situation is not at all good. The husband has only one leg and his wife is mentally challenged. They have two children and one of them is 5 years old and severely affected by autism and other mental problems. They live in a rental property owned by the State Housing Authority...’Homes West’. I was told of their need for a computer by a welfare lady who is the wife of a colleague. Fortunately the husband is going to be present for most of the time the kids will be on the computer to make sure they do not create any headaches I have to repair. I will search out some simple educational games for them. They will not be connecting to the WWW.

I try to be altruistic in my Mac giveaway project and not worry about whether the mac will be sold on etc. No problems with today’s gift. The wife had prepared a thankyou card for me and the welfare lady..nice!

An in-service course

Tonight I watched a program on ABC (au) about a family which eventually had to commit their wife and mother into full time care. It was about Alzheimer's Disease, but essentially about a family breakup.

I am still hurting badly about the death of my wife, but I am grateful that she did not suffer the indignity of dementia.

I would like to see some statistics about dementia sufferers.....are more intelligent people less prone to dementia?

Joan was fully aware of her situation and was at no time delusional...perhaps hopeful beyond reason, but not seeking out help from a mythical God.

I miss her terribly.

Today I ran a short in-service course for teachers at a special needs school for staff who are unfamiliar with Mac computers. It went very well and all of the participants had fun with the operating system and the nice things that come with Mac. I had many thankyous for the short session. I didn’t get paid for this PD. The school is having problems with the W.A Education Dept. internet server as they are decidedly Mac unfriendly. It will get better as Mac is having a rebirth in W.A. schools.

An IT boss at the senior high school I taught at for many years, wouldn’t let a Mac computer on the school network and has just purchased a Mac laptop. Say no more!

Radical man!

The weekend was ‘full on’. We made a number of trips shifting Helen and James’ stuff into their new home. There is still a lot more to come, but they can do a bit each evening coming home from work. The new house is starting to look lived in already.

I am going to sell Joan’s sewing machines. She has some class machines...embroidery, designer, overlocker and several valuable vintage sewing machines. I took advice from a sewing machine specialist Joan told me to consult and it seems that like cars and computers the value of each item has dropped dramatically. Joan did tell me that she had bought a Husqvarna Designer SE machine, but wouldn’t tell me how much it did cost. I do know that she had it insured for $9,000.00. The SM specialist tells me that there is now a new model and I could, at best, hope to get $3,000. C'est la vie!

A good friend from Papua New Guinea days emailed last night to tell me he had just been diagnosed with prostate cancer. This morning he Skyped me and we had a long talk about PC and specifically what his urologist said and what my treatment was when I had prostate cancer. I had what was called ‘the gold standard’...radical prostatectomy and fortunately, the cancer was removed with the prostate. Albert was told that he could do nothing...’watching and waiting’ and he would almost certainly get another 10 years. Alternatively he could have the radical prostatectomy; be free of the cancer, but may have impotence and incontinence. He sounds like he is going for the radical prostatectomy. Faced with that situation again I would do the same. Get rid of the beast!

Reincarnation

Our neighbor Fiona called me to the fence to chat. She told me that she was feeling a little uneasy because she thinks Joan may be trying to contact her. It seems that there is a dove which perches on our letter box which is where most of the conversations between Joan and Fiona took place. She can park her car right alongside the letter box and almost touch the dove before it flies off. Joan had told me that if there was ‘something or somewhere’ after death that she would prefer reincarnation. It would be my luck to come back as a cockroach or a blowfly.

Yesterday I went to W.A. Newspapers to collect 5 late model Macs. The newspaper prefers to give their cast-offs to me rather than to staff or people who would later seek help if something goes wrong with them. I am obliged to write to my contact at W.A. News, thanking him for the gift and noting that they will not be sold, but refurbished and given to needy folks.

This afternoon is the big day when Helen and James take possession of their new house. We did the final inspection on Wednesday evening and I was further impressed with some features that we didn’t notice when they first made the offer to buy. Looks like a heavy weekend of cars and trailers shifting furniture etc from one place to the other. I need some exercise.

Libya in suburbia

The local paper once again praises Western Australia for being the best or worst at something. This time we are the nation’s worst at merging on entering a freeway. Don’t know how they decided that, but I found this gem which may well apply to us here....’I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!’

This afternoon I thought I was in Libya. All that was needed to make it real was a bit of gunfire. Quite close to our house was a pretty fierce bush fire which destroyed a house and damaged four others. TV channel helicopters hovered for a couple of hours filming the action as water bombing helicopters swooped low over our house en route to the fire. I don’t know where they sucked up the water, but it was black and dirty looking. The nearby Bibra Lake is as dry as an airstrip so they must have gone to other nearby almost dry lakes.

The police arson squad thinks this one was deliberately lit. The fire started just after school was dismissed for the day. Kids get bored. School holidays present lots of problems for shop owners. Say no more!

Of sheets, fruit, Tapas and a nice Gal.

I changed our/my bed sheets this afternoon. Fitted sheets are always a problem for me. I nearly always get the base sheet the wrong way around and today I came up with a Kev solution. Put a large ‘B’ on the bottom of the fitted sheet with a permanent marker...it won’t be seen unless someone spots it on the washing line. Not sure Joan would approve of that though.

The last few days have seen quite a few flowers on my passion fruit vines. The bees don’t seem interested in them so I’ve been hand pollinating the flowers with a feather. There is a one-day window of opportunity to pollinate PF flowers and I am having success and about a dozen flowers are developing fruit. The vines are just starting to flower, so I should have dozens of fruit in a few weeks. Click the pics to enlarge them.
As the pollinated flower wilts, the new fruit is shown.

Over the weekend I received a floral tribute from a wonderful young lady named Katrina who over a few years has donated Mac computers for my giveaway project. She is the Office Coordinator for an organisation for native land titles. I was greatly moved by her kind thoughts. The media highlights the low-lifes of the world and there are plenty of them, but I think we good people far outnumber them. Katrina is one of us!

A pic of some of the tapas from Saturday’s lunch.

A double birthday celebration

On Friday I had a few friends around for lunch. The are the ‘usual suspects’, good friends who have known each other for a long, long time. The numbers are dwindling....some have died or unable to attend. John is in care and is now past outside trips. Lots of stories and laughs; a good afternoon!

Maybe I should stop taking photographs at these events.

Here is the latest....we don’t look too bad, eh?

On Saturday, we, Helen and James, Martin and I met up at the Gypsy Tapa restaurant for a lunch to celebrate Martin’s 40th and Joan’s 69th birthday. Joan had planned on dining at the Gypsy Tapa before she was bed ridden. She would have liked the variety of tapas, but I would still have whinged about the cost. A lot of people dining there would have topped up with a burger on the way home. I paid for the four of us and with a couple of beers it cost $150. I guess the experience of it all and the definitely hippy waiters could have been interesting to some. I have never seen more metal studs in all parts of the face, nor a collection of op-shop clothing such as this. Sorry, I lie; JB Hi Fi seems to appoint only staff who are so adorned with heavy metal and crazy haircuts.

Helen and James dropped me off home around 2pm and I decided to drive down the freeway about 20 kilometres to visit an ex-student who has built a house on a newish estate down there at Baldivis. Jayd works at the Public Trustee in Perth and has flexible working hours, so can go early to the train station nearby and be in Perth in 30 minutes. Her house is nice and the surrounding area looks very civilised. I don’t know whether at times she feels a bit isolated down there...I didn’t think I should have asked her. Lovely gal!

I'm doing OK!

Yesterday I signed up to get a roof-top 1.5kW solar power system. Australian government subsidy on this system is considerable and it will end up costing all up just over $2,000. The government is soon to reduce the subsidy, so now is the time to sign up. It is hoped that it will halve my power bill and on times that I may go away, sell back power to the grid.

Joan wanted us to get a solar system even when she knew she had little time left.

Several friends have told me that Joan expressed concern about how I will manage when she went. Joan, I’m doing OK!

Today I am having a few friends around for lunch and doing a culinary re-run of Joan’s wake.....finger food such as dips, pizza, party pies, cocktail frankfurts, fruit and drinks. I was going to BBQ, but today threatens a hot one and I figured it would be better inside in airconditioning.

Joan and Helen when we were all younger.

Deep sea diver Jack

Yesterday a life-long friend and I had a counter-lunch at a nearby tavern.

It was good to get together and talk. We shared classes at primary school, high school, technical school and through our 5 year apprenticeships at the State Engineering Works, a large government engineering works at Leighton.

We have kept in contact over the years; I moving into teaching and Jack into deep sea diving on oil rigs etc. Our conversation inevitably ends up talking about how we solved some mechanical problem, or how a part for some machine was handmade. Not too many other people are interested in those conversations, so when we part we are well satisfied that another person has fully understood what we have were able to do or fix.

The tavern meal was excellent, so large that I couldn't finish it.

This is a photo of Joan, Martin and Helen with forced smiles having endured a 2.5 hour wait to get through customs at Bali’s Denpassar airport in the late 1980s

A counter lunch

Our daughter Helen’s unit is in high demand. One of the prospective buyers who looked at it on the weekend was to make an offer subject to sale of her own house. Helen and James rejected the offer on the grounds that a subject to sale offer/acceptance can drag on if it is difficult to sell for some reason....such as being next door to a bikie club house.

The woman is so keen to buy that she is arranging bridging finance and will make an offer of $340,000. Incredible; seeing that the initial price was $315,000+. East Victoria Park where Helen’s unit is, is a sought after area because of the proximity to pubs, restaurants and entertainment. However, there are quite a few yobbos and near-do-wells roaming the streets as well. If she cannot raise the finance by today, Helen and James will accept the current offer of $329,000.

Today a friend is taking me out to a tavern for a counter lunch, and on Friday I am having a few friends around for a BBQ lunch.
My Joan sometime in the 1970s

Stop Press: The woman who was after bridging finance was unsuccessful and so the previous offer has been accepted and signed up.

On Saturday Helen tried to contact me both on landline and my mobile. She left a message saying she was concerned that I was not answering either phone. As it happened dumbo me left my mobile home and took the cordless house phone with me in the car. Old timers' disease.

Busy busy!

Friday was a busy day for me. I collected my brother Graham at 6.20am and drove him to hospital in Claremont where he had a knock-out shot, an epidural and several injections of cortisone for a chronic back and leg pain. I collected him at around 4pm and it seems that the treatment has worked as he is pain free.

Yesterday Helen’s unit had its first (and last) ‘opening’. The agent rang her to say that there were eight couples at the opening and three were going to make an offer on the advertised price of $315,000+. Some time later she rang again to tell Helen that she had written up an offer of $329,000 from a couple who had the money and weren’t buying ‘subject to sale’ of another property. They are both ‘stoked’, as the younger generation would say and the timing is perfect as they move into their new house on the 14th of April.

Also yesterday I had Helen come with me to select some new spectacle frames. I cannot see well enough without my glasses to decide whether they look OK. The glasses...frames and lenses, are free courtesy of my private health fund.

I am prepping myself for the Rotary sponsored Bowel Scan. It is a test for Faecal Occult Blood. You don’t need to know the details of this procedure, but in preparation I have to abstain from red meat, horseradish,cantaloupe, raw turnips,broccoli,cauliflower,red radishes and parsnip over the five day period. Asprin and vitamin c in high doses are also out. The name for this test is a bit confusing. It is nothing to do with the Occult as we understand it. Check it out here.

It is now early; 6.10am Sunday morning and I am about to check the lotto results to see if I have beaten the other players and won the $20m prize. I reckon that my chances are about 17million to one, but if I do win I am not going to be telling you lot.

A bank statement

Up until our marriage in 1966, I managed my own finances. It wasn’t too complicated back then...just keep the cheque butts up to date and don’t go over your balance. After we got married, Joan took that task on-board and I had little to do with the finances until she left us on February 25th this year. Steep learning curve!

A couple of days ago I received a bank statement and found a rather large transfer of funds into one of Joan’s credit card accounts. I puzzled over what that amount of money was used for. She did purchase another overlocker sometime recently, but I thought it was mid 2010. It worried me so I went to the bank where the money was deposited and asked for their help in tracing it. After a bit of computer work the man said...’Does The Red Herring mean anything to you?’

It was for the cost of Helen and James’ small wedding breakfast at the riverside restaurant, The Red Herring! Mentioning it to other people, it seems that it is quite common to forget such a transfer or payment and panic; at least with my friends. We are now old!

I am off to the Public Trustee next Monday and I hope I have all the documents needed to allow them to process Joan’s Will and transfer shares and her car over to me. I will have to sell one of the cars at least and this is where one loses lots of money. Sad, but it has to be done.

Our son Martin has been given a $2,000 grant by CES to go on a 7 week course for construction scaffolding. I hope he completes it. He is intelligent and should do well. The qualification and several more safety courses etc may get him into the mining industry up North with its high salaries. It may be a turning point in his life. We hope! I’ve included Joan in that wish.

Give Peace a Chance...not likely!

On the 26th of this month our son Martin turns 40. Helen and James suggested that he Join us for a meal at a restaurant. He is busy that evening and has suggested that we combine his birthday celebration with Joan’s birthday on April the 2nd. We think that that is a great idea and will dine at a restaurant that Joan had planned to visit had she been able to manage it. We will be thinking of them both when we get together on the 2nd.

Mr Gaddafi is holding out against the rebels and the combined forces of the western powers. It does look as though he will win unless the westerners go beyond their U.N. mandate and specifically target Gaddafi himself. The participating western nations are trying out their expensive hardware on Gaddafi’s troops and equipment. I guess they need real war conditions to do that. It seems that all wars start on some sort of pretext; this skirmish will no doubt turn into a minor war.
As with Iraq, the initial jubilation at the success of the U.S. will quickly turn to hatred if western forces set foot on the ground.

‘Give Peace a Chance’....not very likely!

The Russian have some conflicting views on Libya. Prime Minister Putin, who is almost ready for another tilt at the Russian Presidency has been heaping scorn on the ‘crusading’ western forces in the air over Libya. But President Medvedev has been very critical of Putin’s description of the so called crusade. See here. Looks like the warm up to the Presidential elections. I’d rather see Putin put out to pasture.

Telemarketing scams

I am still a little lost. I have plenty of things to do and I can keep myself busy, but there are those times when I need to talk with Joan.

Watching television I see things which connect us.... a McDonalds advert about the ‘New Angus Beef Burger’ reminds me of the time we tried one. etc etc.

I am not going to get so lonely that I will seek another partner. I am past that. I have no interest in cohabitation and I should tell you here that I had a radical prostatectomy some eleven years ago and cannot, and do not want to, become intimate with anyone else. So there! I had enough hugs at the funeral to last the rest of my life.

Things will get better...I know several people who live by themselves and manage quite well.

Just lately I have been plagued by phone calls from, I suspect India, suggesting that my ‘Microsoft computer’ has a virus problem.

As it happens I don’t use a ‘Microsoft comuputer’...in fact Microsoft don’t make computers. I; I previously would have said ‘we’, use Apple computers and when I tell the caller that I don’t want to buy what they are selling they hang up. I have had nuisance calls from them ever since...calls on our landline and VOiP phone with hangups when I pick up.

They will get tired of it.

I can understand how people, called at dinner time, get abusive and give the caller a serve.

Mail from the past

In my search for relevant documents for the Public Trustee, I found a bundle of letters Joan wrote to her father during our time in Papua New Guinea in the 1970s.

The letters reminded me of the difficulties and rewards of teaching and living in PNG at the time. Many of the things, I had almost forgotten about us and our children.

I hope Martin and Helen will take the time to read them as Joan wrote in detail about their early childhood development.

Yesterday I received a card from the Cancer Council of W.A.

Rick is our niece's fiance in the U.S.. That his family would make such a memorial donation to the Cancer Council is incredibly moving. We have met Rick on a couple of occasions and Rick and Katherine were able to attend Helen and James’ wedding.

Of wars and natural disasters

It would seem that the rebels in Libya are going to be beaten. That is a pity (in my opinion) as Gaddafi has such bad dress-sense he should go. Seriously though, all the middle-east kingdoms/dictatorships favour one colour of their citizens. Muslims have a bad case of Catholic/Protestant type conflict. Democracy is not their bag! If the rebels are indeed beaten there will be lots of blood-letting.

I do find it amazing that the Libyan rebels seem to have the middle-east fixation of shooting thousands of rounds of ammunition into the air when they will need it when Gaddafi’s forces close in.

I lose my objectivity and think that the USA should just charge in and knock out Gaddafi’s miltiary. It seems that the French government would like to flex it’s military muscle and once again be a world power and try out their military muscle. Right at the moment I would think that most westeners would agree, but later condemn the United States as an aggressor.

Earthquakes, Tsunamis, nuclear meltdowns plague Japan. All they need now is a huge volcanic eruption on Mt Fuji.

During WW2 in Papua New Guinea, the Japanese military occupied the New Britain port of Rabaul. Air strikes by U.S. and Australian bombers saved a couple of bombs for the active volcanoes of the Rabaul caldera hoping for a volcanic stir-up. Unfortunately for the allies the volcanoes remained dormant until the 1990s.
Rabaul town. Photo taken by me in 1961. Rabaul has since been wiped out by volcanic eruptions and the main centre shifted away to Kokopo.

Helen's unit is on the market

I have collected most of the information to present to the Public Trustees for the settlement of Joan’s will. They will advise me of an appointment day and time and I hope everything will go smoothly after that.

Gradually, over the last year, I took over more of the household chores that Joan usually managed....cooking, washing and cleaning etc. Emptying the dishwasher when it was needed was a careful operation trying to make as little noise as possible if Joan was sleeping. I realised this morning that I was still trying to do it without clanging dishes and shutting cupboard doors gently. So, I figured it was time to get real and damn the noise. It felt good!

Helen’s unit is on the market and the real estate site demonstrates the magic of wide-angle photography. Her modest two bedroom apartment looks like a shopping mall. I wonder whether prospective buyers will be disappointed when they come to see it and find that it isn’t as large as depicted.

It can be seen here.

Of fangs

Yesterday I had a young Indian man tell me to shut my mouth.

He happened to be the dentist I was being treated by.

This fellow is like greased lightning he did a descale of my teeth and a filling in just under 20 minutes. Mind you, I don’t have anywhere near a full mouth of teeth.

My previous dentist is an ex-student of mine; a lovely young Chinese/Australian gal whose business card gives her the name of The Dental Diva. She sings as she works. Unfortunately I have had to change dentists because she has taken time off work to bring up her young son.

I am starting to feel better about my life without Joan. Many people have given me advice and encouragement to ‘get on with it’.

I am hurting

I am going through a hard time; a time of guilt at how we managed Joan’s last hours.

The Silver Chain nurses told us that Joan’s agitation was ‘terminal anxiety’ and that it was a common occurrence.

In the times that she came out of the deep sleep we had to manage her efforts to get out of bed and we were shown how to administer an anti-anxiety drug to reduce the struggle that she was going through. Each time she ‘came around’ she looked at me and reached out for my hands to get her up and out. She couldn’t speak, but she looked into my eyes pleading for help with arms outstretched. With the medication, and when we held her hands she seemed to give in and lapsed back into sleep.

I don’t know how we could have done this better, but it is haunting me now.

A legal wrangle without a lawyer on side

in September last year, I was involved in a car crash. My vehicle was a 1992 Mazda 929 which I liked very much. It wasn’t worth a lot so I had it insured for just $2,000. The other car involved was a late model Honda Civic and it sustained considerable damage to its front. Both cars were towed away and I made a police report and an insurance company report online that day.

My insurance company wrote my car off and sent me a cheque for the balance of the $2,000 after taking out my $350 excess. I heard no more about the matter until February this year when I was served a General Procedure Claim from the Magistrates Court of Western Australia claiming the amount of $18,536. This came when we were under a lot of stress when my wife’s health was rapidly deteriorating.

I didn’t know whether it was a personal injury claim or vehicle damage claim. I rang the State Third Party Insurance Office and they assured me that if it were a personal injury claim they would have paid it out. My insurer told me that if the other party made a claim against my policy then they would pay it out.

The claim against me was by the driver’s wife who was not in the car and was not the registered owner???

The law firm serving the notice is in Queensland, so I emailed them to find out why his/her insurance firm had not made a claim against mine. Several email exchanges took place and eventually I was told not to worry about the matter as they had contacted my insurer and a cheque had been drawn and when they received it they would stop the court action.

I asked the law clerk with whom I had been corresponding what it was all about. She replied with...

'I reassure you that both parties involved in the incident were fully insured, this is merely a tactic that the insurance companies use to extract payment from each other, by using the right of subrogation in the Insurance Contracts Act. Rest assured it is being dealt with and I will personally ensure that it is finalised and will let you know the minute I receive payment from RAC.'

Payment was received and the Notice of Discontinuance has been made...whew!

eulogy for Joan

Joan and I met at, and taught together, at Bridgetown High School after I returned from Papua New Guinea, and we married in 1966 transferring to Kwinana High School before taking up posts back in Papua New Guinea in 1970. Helen was born just six weeks before Joan flew to PNG to be with me. Martin was born in Wewak Hospital in 1972. I was manager of two Vocational Centres one in the Sepik District for four years and another two years in the Northern District. Joan taught at Maprik High School and at Popondetta Vocational School.

The Papua New Guinea years were most rewarding and full of adventure. We returned to W.A. in late 1975 and both took up teaching in local high schools. Joan did more study to complete a degree in Home Economics and eventually became head of department at several high schools. In all she completed three university degrees, the final degree being a Masters degree in Education.

For over 25 years she has been involved in fabric and textile arts groups and made many friends. Her sewing room is the typical sewing den...piled high with fabrics and ongoing projects.

She fought bravely for over a year...each different round of chemotherapy failing to improve her condition. Even, the SIRT treatment of injected radiated spheres did no good. The chemotherapy robbed her of one of her loves, that of cooking and creating new dishes. She was unable to eat for most of her treatment. Losing over 30 kilograms, she once quipped...’I’m the biggest loser!’

An avid reader, Joan has books in every room. Two are left with bookmarks, last read in hospital.

Many will miss her dearly...mostly her family.

The last will and testament

The Public Trustees have asked for a long list of ‘Administration Requirements’ to start processing Joan’s will. It is just as well that we gave our wills to the Public Trustee just a few weeks ago. Previously our daughter was the executor and I now see it would have been a very onerous task for her to process Joan's will.

Towards the end, I worried about the lack of knowledge I had about our and Joan’s financial affairs. I hesitated to ask her about her personal share portfolio because I felt it would signal her imminent demise. As it happened I had neither the time nor courage to ask her for details.

Now I am in a bit of a mess sorting through the dozens of files in the filing cabinet trying to find the information demanded. I will get through it and there is no deadline I have to meet.

I am going to be an evangelist telling everyone I know that couples should share knowledge about their financial affairs. I know a few survivors who have had big problems sorting out their partner's estate.

Before Joan left us she had me transfer a not-unsubstantial amount to our daughter and son-in-law to assist in the purchase of a home. That money came from her superannuation fund and no doubt we will pay capital gains tax on the sale of the shares.

Helen already owns her unit and once sold, they will be in a good financial position. The house they have purchased is walking distance from our house and it will be easy for me to visit them by walking or bicycle. They will take possession on April 14th. There are already a few jobs on Dad’s list for the new house.

Our Aladdin's Cave of information. Note the secure password bank on the side where no villain would think of looking.
I give thanks to the literally hundreds of friends who sent cards, personal messages and email messages of condolence to us, as well as the 100 plus people who attended Joan's funeral and wake afterwards. It has given us much comfort.

Eulogy for Joan

Joan’s sister Dorothy wrote the following for Joan’s eulogy.

My sister Joan Lilian was born on the 2nd April 1942 in Wongan Hills District Hospital. She was the first child of Edward and Doris McHugh and was an adored first grandchild for her maternal grandparents, aunts and uncle. She was a curly haired chubby little darling adored by all and much photographed by them all.

I was born in 1943 and then my little brother Ian in 1947. Our mother died when Joan was just seven years old. Dad refused to let the family be separated and so we experienced a succession of housekeepers. Joan quickly learned to be self sufficient and could cook an excellent jaffle. Her favourite was mashed potato and egg cooked until the bread was golden and the egg was still runny. She continued to be a good and inventive cook.

Days on the farm at Wongan Hills were full of fun. Joan's and my first adventure was when we were quite young. Dad was clearing bush some miles from home and he took us to check on the scrub rolling. We were given strict orders not to leave the car. Of course we got out and when we saw a snake Joan decided that we had to head for home. We walked and walked and got home to find that dad and mum were desperately organizing search parties to look for us in the bush. Dad had driven home the usual way but Joan had led us home safely through a back way.

When she learned to read, Joan's world changed. I well remember forfeiting my threepence pocket money to add to hers so that she could buy a little booklet of fairy stories. Her love of fantasy was born. Sewing lessons were a very special occasion for the girls at Wongan Hills Primary School. Believe it or not Joan hated hand sewing and would entertain a cluster of girls, telling stories of knights, dragons and princesses. The teacher seemed happy to ignore us on those afternoons and in return for the stories Joan wove for us we secretly did her sewing for her. She became an avid reader and I well remember stinking hot holidays at the Dandaragan farm when the weekly highlight for Joan was to borrow books from the Moora library. Three nonfiction and one fiction book plus my allocation were devoured each week and sometimes the librarian snuck in a few extra for her. Joan loved to read. She read broadly but her chosen genre was fantasy and in recent months she reread all her favourites.

On the farm we roamed the bush hunting for wildflowers, making a cubby under a wattle tree until Joan discovered a trap door spider's nest. We found fairy circles of mushrooms and even flew our home made flag in a private bush Anzac service. Joan led us on adventures too. I remember our trek across the dry stubble paddocks to the red lake and how she screamed when a little snake wriggled under a seated friend's bent legs across the cracked red mud on the edge of the lake.

Joan excelled at Geraldton High School and developed a determination to succeed. She acted in her first play at high school and was an excellent English student. She went on to the University of Western Australia, playing in many productions at the Dolphin Theatre..

Perhaps her love of textiles had its origins at age thirteen. Pedal pushers were the fashion statement for teenagers at that time. Our father brought us up strictly and disliked females in shorts or trousers. I can remember a very heated exchange between Joan and Dad but Joan made her point and sewed for herself a bright red pair of pedal pushers. After that she made most of her own clothes with Dad's approval or not.

Joan was a very special sister. She will be remembered for her determination in fighting cancer. More importantly she will be remembered for the way she introduced so many students to the joys of cooking and sewing and for her leadership in textiles groups in Western Australia.

Joan had a special place in our family life. We had many a wonderful Sundays and many family parties in the back yard at Canning Highway as well as memorable outings on Kevin's boat “Vile Body”.

Katherine who lives in San Francisco remembers and says “Aunty Joan was an exotic aunt. She thought and did things differently. Her art looked different to my Mum's, her food tasted different and her book selection was full of fantasies. And it was fascinating.

My fondest memories of Aunty Joan include:
- Christmas at Joan and Kevin's house in Bicton and the deliciously different dinners she created in her beautiful old dining room and the wonderful books she gave me every Christmas,
- weekend afternoons sitting on their back patio under the grapevine, watching Mum and Aunty Joan sipping champagne, listening to Dad and Kevin tell dirty jokes while we kids played in the pool with Helen and Martin or played with Defa the dog.
- more recently it has been Aunty Joan's passion and devotion to her crafts and her family.

I am so sad I am not there to say a better goodbye and to be with you all. I will miss Aunty Joan's sense of passion for her craft and hobbies, her creativity and individuality.”

Helen’s flower arrangement for Joan’s funeral service

Adjusting to life without Joan

Joan’s sister Dorothy is by now in Hawaii. She flew out yesterday afternoon to meet her daughter Katherine’s mother-in-law to be. Katherine’s fiance is a medico recently discharged from the U.S. Military and has a house in Honolulu. He is ‘shouting’ the airfare for Dorothy and she will be there for just over a week.

Joan and I had a loose division of labour for all the tasks in running a household and our lives. I have had to learn a few tricks about paying the bills and even shopping. Something that would make Joan laugh is me paying some bills by cheque. She was the Lock Banker and I rarely paid for things online with the exception of eBay purchases and computer software. I will get there eventually.

Joan’s cat, Amber, was a gift from Dorothy soon after she was diagnosed with the BigC. Amber was supposed to provide some affection when Joan needed it, but unfortunately it attached itself to me and did not often come to Joan. I was determined to give her back to Dorothy, but since Joan left, the cat has become very friendly to me. I think she knows what I was planning. Years ago I owned a Datsun 260z and when it played up I would drive past a wrecker’s yard on the way home from work. I swear it made the Z go better for a few weeks.
Joan and Amber...

Goodbye Joan

Joan’s funeral service was simple but quite wonderful with the eulogy delivered by her sister Dorothy and Joan’s friend, Juliet. Through all the tears, it was wonderful to see so many present...family, friends, colleagues and relatives, including one ex-student from our time at Bridgetown High School in 1965.

The wake was also nice; the house crowded with guests. Helen, Martin and James along with several of Helen’s close friends kept the food served and the drinks poured and there was little left after a few hours.

This morning I am again alone.

My Joan; taken just a few months ago.

A funeral and a wake

Helen and I have been working solidly today in preparation for the wake after Joan’s funeral.

We’ve done well Joan...you would be proud of us. There is plenty of food and drink and the house has had a good clean-up.

Joan’s sister Dorothy is giving the eulogy; the initial part written by her, talks of the early years of their childhood and the part I wrote is about Joan’s later life, career and wide interests.

Yesterday Dorothy was in hospital to have a kidney stone blasted by a laser tool. She has been quite sick all day, but is getting better. Hope she is well enough to do the job as I am too fragile at the moment to be able to speak of our loss.

I have printed an A3 photograph of Joan taken when I was into B&W photography and it is framed and will be at the service. I also created a slide show of Joan from childhood to the present. It looks good. It will be running continuously at home when we have guests back.

This is Joan taken sometime in the 80s.

I am numb. I find it difficult to comprehend that just over a fortnight ago Joan was still driving her car. It is going to be hard when I start to dispose of her fabrics and equipment. Then there is the clothing and jewellery. I am hoping that friends will want most of her clothing.

She has two books by the West Australian artist, Sean Tan. It is a pity that she wasn’t here to see him get an Academy Award for the animated film of his last book, The Lost Thing. ...See here

Here is the cover.......

Till Death Us Do Part

Our dear Joan passed away at 6.30pm local time here in Western Australia.

Her last hours were peaceful. If there is a Heaven, she will be going there.

Coma and a chest infection

Our Joan has lapsed into a coma. It seems as though she has a chest infection and that will most certainly take her from us.

The cruelty of it is that it may take another couple of days. We all want her to go peacefully soon.

World events seem to pale into insignificance whilst our personal drama plays out.

Hanging on

Our dear Joan is still with us. She has been sleeping peacefully all day since the Silver Chain nurse added Clonazepam to the pump. Previously, each time she woke, she struggled to get out of bed and took a good deal of restraining before she calmed down with a dose of .2ml of clonazepam under her tongue administered by me with a small syringe.

These struggles were very frightening for us until one of the nurses told us that most deaths do not occur as they do in the movies. There is almost always some ‘terminal anxiety’ and the clonazepam is specifically to help stop the anxiety. Before it was added to the pump the family was on constant watch to catch the first signs of this anxiety so that we could administer the meds about every three hours day and night. I likened these episodes to someone drowning...trying to get up and out. This morning we were all exhausted having had short sleeps during the night.

At the moment she is in a deep sleep and will probably remain that way until the end.

It is hard to describe the relief we have felt to know that our beloved Joan is not raging against those who love her and that the meds I have been administering are not just to keep her quiet.

PS: Joan just had one of the anxiety attacks and we have had to gently hold her hands and administer a top-up dose. The SC nurses are here now and are giving her a sponge bath and back rub.

Last hours

We had two call outs last night and I thought I was losing my Joan at around 3am. she became very agitated and shaking uncontrollably and although without a temperature was clammy and sweating. When she asked to sit up, her eyes appeared to be glazed over and she was itchy all over....probably retention of bilirubin. The Silver chain nurse arrived about 45 minutes after my call and then the read-through of previous treatments and questioning. Joan didn’t have pain or nausea and so all she could tell the nurse was that she felt dreadful.

After a few calls back to base Joan was asked whether she would rather be home or back in hospital. One possibility is that there is an infection. I believe her time is very near and hospital in a shared room would be pure misery at this stage. She couldn’t make the decision, so a Silver Chain associate doctor will visit sometime today.

Now, at 8.55am, she is still sleeping. We have both had a harrowing night. I have had little sleep over the last two days.

Update: This morning’s Silver Chain nurses are two who have been here before. They have told me that today is the day. All the signs are indicating so. At the moment Joan is sedated and the family are here with her.

This damn disease!

What a night! Joan was unable to sleep and found it impossible to get comfortable. We were up about six times for toileting or just sitting up.

The Silver Chain nurse who visited this morning changed the brew that went into the pump and gave Joan an injection of Oxycodone. In the U.S. Oxycodone is know as 'Hillbilly Heroin' and many people are addicted to it as their drug of choice, the effects being longer-lasting than heroin and much cheaper, because it can be had by doctor-shopping. Addiction is not a consideration with Joan.

Sophie, the ex-student of mine who is working in Queensland, must have phoned her mother in Willetton and she rang me to ask if she could bring some freshly baked scones around. I must have sounded ungrateful as I declined the kind offer. The Silver Chain nurse was here and we were quite busy and somewhat stressed.

Joan has become the ‘Biggest Gainer’ by putting on an instant 8 kilograms due to fluid retention. There is no instant fix for this and I think it can only get worse.

She is getting weaker by the hour and to get her up from a chair I have to let her put her arms around my neck and we both stand up. There have been a few close calls and I am careful to have something behind her in case we both fall.

I want to go in a car crash.

My cousin Val visited this morning and Martin and Helen are visiting this afternoon.

Home with love

Joan is home again. The ambos delivered her and helped her into bed. After about two hours sleep she attempted to reach out to the side table for a bell to call me and fell out of bed doing some more damage to herself by hitting the side table. Fortunately Helen and James were closeby looking at a house and they came immediately to assist me getting her up and onto a chair for some repairs to bleeding and bruising. After a couple of glasses of coffee flavoured milk she went back to bed. Hope she is able to sleep through the night, but I doubt she will be able to.

The Silver Chain nurse is due at 9.30am tomorrow and a hospital bed with an air mattress and side bars should be here over the weekend.

Yesterday the Oncologist virtually signed off on us by acquiesing to releasing her from hospital to come home.
As a final farewell he shook both our hands.

This from the author Siri Hustvedt...

"Every sickness has an alien quality, a feeling of invasion and loss of control that is evident in the language we use about it. No one says, 'I am cancer' or even 'I am cancerous,' despite the fact that there is no intruding virus or bacteria; it's the body's own cells that have run amok. One has cancer. Neurological and psychiatric illnesses are different, however, because they often attack the very source of what one imagines is one's self. 'He's an epileptic' doesn't sound strange to us. In the psychiatric clinic, the patients often say, 'Well, you see, I'm bipolar' or 'I'm schizophrenic.' The illness and the self are fully identified in these sentences.

The Locks sometime in the the 1990s

Sophie

Joan’s pain meds were upgraded today. She has major fluid retention again and this evening was to have a scan to determine whether another drain is necessary.

She is due home on Monday and although the Silver Chain will visit daily, I will be her principal carer. The hope is that we will have some quality time together over the time that is left.

Earlier this evening I had a call from Sophie who is an ex-student of mine from Willetton Senior High. Soph is a metallurgist on a Queensland mine site. She, like me, is an emotional person. She is following our journey on our family blog and we both shed lots of tears over the phone. A wonderful young lady!

Dietitian

My Joan is still in hospital. X Rays showed no bowel blockage, so a dietitian has been planning meals which will supposedly beat the constipation. Good plan, but Joan still has not regained any of her appetite even though she is now about eight weeks out of chemotherapy. If anything, she is finding it more difficult to eat food she was capable of eating last week.

Whilst I was with her yesterday a nurse did a calorie count and surprisingly it added up to 850 for the day.

With all this happening we were also threatened with a legal writ demanding a payment of $18,000+ for vehicle damage in a car accident. Both parties were fully insured and that amount should have been paid out but wasn’t. I think (hope) it has been resolved and shall explain at length at a later date.
The stress of caring for and worrying about my Joan is getting to me and I am forgetting things. I ordered a rare book about PNG through the state library but haven’t had the time to sit down and read it. It has to be returned tomorrow. I need to make check lists before I leave the house. A couple of days ago I somehow lost Joan’s wallet with all her cards and personal details. Yesterday was card cancelling day.

I want Joan back home but also want her to regain some strength so she is able to at least walk around with her walker.

Heavy night

Joan’s condition is deteriorating rapidly. We will soon have to let the Silver Chain bring in a hospital bed. Overnight we had to get up to toilet about five times without a real result. We both realise that there is little to void because she has eaten hardly anything, but the pressure is there.

I now know what the term respite means. I cannot really leave Joan alone to dash off to the pharmacy, or have a much needed haircut or go shopping for groceries. Joan’s sister Dorothy also has some respite from caring for her husband Mike and is going to use her respite to look after Joan on Wednesday afternoon. Some respite!

Mike has advanced Parkinson’s Disease and can be a very frustrating patient as he cannot speak well enough to understand what he is saying and he has a fixation of fiddling with technical stuff like phones, computers and TVs until they need someone else to come and reset them to work again. His favorite play thing is the Garmin SatNav device.

The Silver Chain service is excellent and we can call them 24 hours a day for either telephone advice or a call-out. The trouble is that the nurses are always different and we have to go through the question and answers routine and the review of the last visit before anything can happen. Never-the-less it is better than seeing a GP or the Oncologist or even being in hospital because these palliative care nurses have seen it all many times over and know what drugs and doses are best suited to each situation.

Photo of Joan just a few weeks ago.

The Silver Chain

Yesterday Joan had a massage. We are not sure it did any good, quite often a massage feels great directly after but fades after an hour.

The visit to the oncologist resulted in a change of medications for pain and nausea. He also arranged for the Silver Chain to visit in the evening. Whilst there Joan asked for the PICC line to be removed as it is no longer going to be used for chemo. Dr Ransom informed us that if the hospital removed it, it would cost our health fund $450 and he removed it in approximately 2 minutes.

The Silver Chain nurse arrived around 8.30pm and was excellent and in the hour she was with us gave us much more detailed info about how the different drugs work and the precise order in which they should be taken. Palliative care is just one facet of this wonderful free service. See here.

I have taken a different approach to Joan’s food intake. Instead of asking her whether she would like something I have been offering her a taste of something I have prepared and know won’t be too difficult to swallow; beef broth, sliced fruit, electrolyte ice blocks etc. Seems to be working!

The Colostomy bag she has had attached to her belly was supposed to be for only two or three days, but the fluid from her abdomen is still flowing into the bag at a rate of around one litre a day. It seems that it will be a permanent situation. I empty the bag about four to five times a day as it is quite small. When today’s Silver Chain nurse arrives she will change the bag.

Here is a link to a blog posting from a lady who lives/lived(?) in Tasmania. It is called The Silence of the Dying.

ACTIQ

Yesterday was busy. We had a 3pm appointment with our financial adviser and headed off a bit earlier to collect some painkiller meds at St John’s. I helped Joan shower for the first time since diagnosis. Even a simple shower is enough to tire her so much that she has to return to bed. We have decided to contact the Silver Chain and discuss what services we need for Joan to remain at home.

The medication is named ACTIQ and is a controlled drug which is supposed to be one of the strongest self-administered pain killers. Each packet contains 3 units (something like a small lollipop) which is rubbed into the inside of the cheek. It takes about 15 minutes to dissolve and in the initial tryout yesterday, worked for about 45 minutes. Each package costs $186.10 and we pay only $5.60 because the Oncologist is prescribing it as palliative medication.

The pain Joan is experiencing is in her shoulders and lower back. We are hoping that it is not bone metastases from the liver and just muscle pain. I have given her quite a few massages and they give temporary relief. She is having a Bowen massage session on Friday morning.

Later in the afternoon, Joan’s friend Juliet visited with a lovely beef casserole for us. She is aware that Joan is having great difficulty eating anything and I will enjoy the meal(s) and not have to tell porkies about how much Joan liked it.

The ongoing saga

Joan was able to come home yesterday. The abdominocentesis tube out of her abdomen was removed and a large ‘waterproof’ dressing stuck over the hole in her stomach. By the time we had arrived home the fluid pressure has forced a leak in the dressing and urine-looking fluid was running like a Queensland flood. We rang the Oncologist and he suggested we go to our pharmacy and get lots of gauze pads and change the dressing regularly until the flow slowed down.

After several attempts at stemming the flow we resorted to large incontinence pads. When Joan was in bed the flow slowed and the pad almost held the spillage overnight. This morning we rang the Oncologist’s office and the nurse/receptionist told us to come in immediately. The fix was to clean up the area around the hole and attach a small bag which can be emptied easily. There is a spare bag for me to use if somehow we damage the one stuck on Joan’s belly.
When Joan was getting the infusion of Human Protein (albumin) the nurse told her that each small bottle of 100ml was produced using approximately 30 blood donations. At last Joan saw some direct value in all the years as a blood donor. It will be interesting to see what that cost.

Human Albumin

When I left Joan this evening she was having a two-unit infusion of Human Albumin. See here.

The fluid drain is still in and the total is now over 5 litres. When the flow slows down to a dribble, the tube will be removed and if the Onco thinks she is strong enough, she can come home. She still has swollen feet and legs from fluid retention.

Joan has discussed the disposal of her quilting/sewing books and numerous lengths of fabric. Her plan is to offer them to her many fellow stitchers for the price of a donation to the Cancer Council. Her sewing machines will be sold.

This morning when I visited her, I firmly believed that she was not going to be able to come home again. She was agitated, in pain and had a ghastly pallor. This evening she is feeling and looking better and we hope she can come home tomorrow. This dose of protein should help. The shift during the day to a private single room also cheered her up.

Abdominocentesis

This morning we drove into Perth to the Public Trustee office to draw up a new will. We already have a will each, but our daughter Helen was the executor and we felt that it would too much of a burden on her and so gave the job to the Public Trustee. We were lucky to have someone on the inside at the PT and we had the will ‘drawn up, signed sealed and delivered’ in about 40 minutes. Our ‘insider’ is a delightful young lady who was a student of mine at Willetton Senior High. As proof of identity we took our new passports which have not yet been used. Joan suggested a trip to Bali just so that we could have our new passports stamped. I am not sure we will be able to manage a Bali trip.

After the Will, we drove to collect some computer gear from an Aboriginal organisation also in the city. The gal who is Manager there is also a very nice and has given me lots of good Mac gear over the years. Today I received a few keyboards. a couple of late model flat screen monitors and a nice iBook. At the moment I have a shed full of Macs ready to go to needy folks.

At 11am Joan was admitted into St John’s for an ‘abdominocentesis’, procedure to drain fluid from her abdomen. Her stomach and her legs and feet were very distended with the fluid retention. I just now talked to her and so far almost 4 litres of fluid have been collected and there is still much more to go. She hopes to be out tomorrow, but the oncologist suggests it may be another day yet.

Our love will sustain us

We saw the oncologist today and received the bad news we suspected we would hear.

My dear wife Joan has had little if any benefit from 12 months of chemotherapy and radiation. He told us that the tumours had grown and although she had had the best available chemo, it has failed to stem the onslaught. He estimates that she has around three months left.

She has a lot of fluid retention in her stomach area and on Friday she goes into hospital to have it drained.

The plans we had made for a couple of trips will probably not eventuate. We have lots to do in the weeks ahead. We both hope that in ceasing all treatment she gets well enough to enjoy our time together.

We hope that our love for each other can sustain us.